Negative self-talk can significantly impact well-being, but it’s possible to reduce its power through various techniques and approaches. Here’s some advice on how to manage that inner critic:
Awareness and Identification
- Notice your thoughts: Begin by paying attention to your internal dialogue. Become aware of the thoughts that pass through your mind, particularly those that are negative or critical.
- Recognise negative patterns: Identify recurring negative themes or statements. Do you often use words like “always,” “never,” or “can’t”?. Are there specific situations that trigger these negative thoughts?
- Label your thoughts: When a negative thought arises, acknowledge it as a thought, not a fact. You can say to yourself “I’m having the thought that…”. Labelling it will create some distance. Use the label “worry” or “rumination” to help you recognise unhelpful thoughts.
Challenging Negative Thoughts
- Challenge the validity: Question where negative thoughts come from. Are they based on assumptions or evidence? Are you “jumping to conclusions” without checking?
- Reframe negative thoughts: Look for more positive interpretations of situations or events. Instead of “I failed a test, I’m stupid” try “I didn’t do as well as I hoped, but I know how to study next time”.
- Use third-person: If a negative thought is in your head, try giving that voice a name and speak to it as if it is someone else, for example “Shelly is being mean today”. Using the third person can create distance from the thought and help you manage it more effectively.
- Counteract with positive statements: For every negative thought, try to replace it with positive alternatives. When your mind says “I’m not good enough”, try saying “I am enough for today”.
- Exaggerate negative thoughts: Use humour by taking your negative thoughts to an extreme and making them absurd. By doing so, they can lose their power.
- Focus on facts: Base your statements on objective facts rather than interpretations or feelings. This will help to maintain balance.
Developing Positive Self-Talk
- Practice positive affirmations: Create a list of positive statements and repeat them to yourself regularly. Use strong words that reflect your positive qualities. Look in the mirror, make eye contact with yourself, and say positive statements.
- Use self-compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend. Be gentle and understanding, especially during difficult times.
- Focus on your strengths and abilities: Acknowledge the things you do well. Pay attention to your accomplishments rather than focusing on perceived failures.
- Generate positive meanings: Focus on positive aspects of your life. Consider your relationships, past experiences, and traits. Remember that even when things go wrong, you are still valuable.
- Use self-encouragement: Instead of negative self-talk or guilt, use phrases like “I want to do this”, or “It’s helpful for me to do this”.
Practical Actions
- Journaling: Write down your thoughts, good or bad, without judgment. This helps to process thoughts and identify trends. Review your entries to gain new perspectives.
- Mindfulness and meditation: Practice staying present in the moment, noticing your thoughts without judgment. Meditation can help you observe thoughts without being swept away by them.
- Limit exposure to negativity: Minimise the influence of negative people or media. Be conscious about what you allow to affect you.
- Practice Self-Havening: Use gentle touch, along with your positive affirmations, to help reduce the emotional charge of your negative thoughts. This will help to integrate your new beliefs.
- Focus on your values: Consider what you would advise someone else to do, especially a child. Act in line with your values.
- Use a “done list”: Focus on what you have accomplished rather than what you haven’t. Recognise and celebrate even the smallest wins.
Summary
Reducing negative self-talk involves a combination of awareness, challenging, and replacing negative thoughts with more positive and compassionate ones. Start by noticing and labeling your negative thoughts. Question the validity of negative thoughts and reframe them in more helpful ways, use third person language to create distance from them. Actively develop positive self-talk, and incorporate practical steps such as journaling and mindfulness. This journey takes time and consistency, so be patient with yourself, and treat yourself with kindness. Over time, these approaches will help you to create a healthier and more positive internal dialogue.