It’s great that you’re looking into how to make lasting changes, and it’s important to understand that willpower is not enough. Let’s explore why relying on willpower isn’t enough and what you can do instead by developing good habits.
The Problem With Willpower
- It’s not a reliable resource: You might think that if you just try hard enough, you can force yourself to change. However, research has found that willpower isn’t something everyone has in abundance and some even say it’s a myth. Even if you do have it, relying on it too much can lead to burnout and make you less likely to achieve your goals.
- Stress takes over: When you get stressed, the older parts of your brain take over, and the part of your brain responsible for willpower shuts down. This means that when you need your willpower most, it’s often not there. This is why, for example, people tend to eat unhealthy food when they are under stress, even when they know they shouldn’t.
- It’s the weakest part of your brain: Your prefrontal cortex, where willpower lives, is the newest and weakest part of your brain. So, relying solely on willpower to overcome deeply ingrained behaviours is like trying to lift a heavy weight with your pinky finger – it’s simply not strong enough.
- It doesn’t address the real reasons you do things: Willpower focuses on stopping a behaviour, but it doesn’t address why you’re doing it in the first place. It’s like putting a bandage on a deep wound instead of treating the source of the problem. Behaviours are driven by the rewards they give you, and willpower alone does not change your brain’s reward system.
Why You Need to Develop Good Habits Instead
- Habits are automatic: Habits are things you do without thinking, like brushing your teeth or taking the same route to work. They are driven by established pathways in your brain, which means that to create changes that last, you need to create new neural pathways.
- Change requires action: Thinking about change isn’t enough, you need to actually do something different. If what you are doing is not working, it’s time to do something else. Simply planning to change is not sufficient to create lasting changes.
- New skills become natural with practice: Just like learning to ride a bike, new skills feel awkward at first, but become more natural with practice. You have to push yourself to take action and reinforce those actions so that new “circuits” can develop in your brain.
Effective Ways to Develop Good Habits
- Link to your values: To truly motivate yourself to change, connect your actions to what is truly important to you. When your actions are based on your values, change is more meaningful and sustainable.
- Increase your awareness: To create lasting change you need to be aware of what is happening. By paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and sensations, you can make conscious choices instead of being on autopilot. Mindfulness can help with this process.
- Accept what isn’t working: To move forward, you have to acknowledge what isn’t working. Recognising this can create a desire for a different approach.
- Take committed action: Take concrete steps toward what you value, even if you are feeling anxious, starting with small actions. It’s important to go out into the world, take your anxiety with you, and do the things that matter to you.
- Be flexible: Develop psychological flexibility by being able to change what you are doing if it is not working. It’s about responding effectively to the situation and not sticking with a rigid plan that is not helpful.
- Focus on doing, not just trying: Instead of trying, just do it. Willingness is about doing rather than just thinking about doing. Clients get stuck in a cycle of trying because it can reinforce their belief that they can’t succeed.
- Be persistent and patient: It takes time to change behaviours, so be tenacious, have patience, and be willing to accept that there will be times when you feel like you’re not making progress.
- Learn from set backs: When you don’t complete a committed action, don’t see it as a failure, instead explore what got in the way so that you can keep moving forward.
In summary, while willpower can be a starting point, it’s not a sustainable strategy for lasting change. The goal is not to eliminate anxiety or challenging emotions, but rather to change how you respond to them. By actively cultivating new habits, based on your values, awareness, committed action and flexibility, you can develop a stronger ability to respond effectively to the challenges in your life.