Let’s talk about how you can approach self-treating your social anxiety. It’s important for you to know that while professional support can be really valuable, there are many things you can do yourself to make a difference. These approaches focus on changing your relationship with anxiety rather than trying to eliminate it entirely, and they draw on a range of therapeutic ideas.
Here are some ways you can start working on your social anxiety yourself:
- Mindfulness and Acceptance: You can begin by practising mindfulness and acceptance techniques. Instead of battling your anxious feelings, try to observe them without judging yourself. Think of it as allowing the feelings to be there without letting them control what you do. You can do this by noticing thoughts and feelings as they arise, without getting caught up in them. This approach can be very powerful.
- Psychosensory Methods: Use techniques that involve your senses to calm your nervous system. Self-soothing touch, like the Havening method, can help you feel safe and relaxed. This involves gently stroking your face, arms, and hands, and it can help your brain produce calming delta waves. Deep breathing is another simple yet effective tool to calm both your mind and body.
- Self-Compassion and Self-Talk: Be kind to yourself. Practice treating yourself with the same understanding and kindness you would offer a friend. When you notice critical self-talk, try to reframe it into something more encouraging and friendly. Ask yourself what you would say to a friend in a similar situation. When you have difficult feelings, imagine you are talking to an anxious individual.
- Solution-Focused Thinking: Instead of asking “Why do I have this problem?”, shift your focus to “How can I create a solution?”. Think about how you would like things to be, rather than dwelling on what’s wrong. When you are considering actions to take, try to avoid using the word “but” as it can delete any possibility of change. Instead, use words like “and” to create more opportunity.
- Values-Based Action: Think about what’s really important to you in life. Then, commit to acting in line with those values, even when you feel anxious. For instance, ask yourself, “What advice would one of my core values give me right now?” This will help you move towards a meaningful life despite the anxiety you may feel.
- Exposure: This involves gradually exposing yourself to situations that make you anxious. Start with the situations that are less scary for you, and work your way up to the more challenging ones. Make a list of your triggers, ranking them from easiest to most difficult. When you are facing these situations, try to pay full attention to what’s happening, without using avoidance strategies. Afterwards, take some time to reflect on what you have experienced. Remember, action is key, and you may need to repeat exposures. Use mindfulness strategies to remain present during social interactions, rather than getting caught up in negative thoughts.
- Social Skills Practice: Actively work on your social skills by engaging in social interactions as often as possible. Make a plan for going out to places like restaurants or bars with friends. Take the risk of initiating conversations and social events. Understand that even confident people make mistakes, but they keep engaging with others. Focus on the process of connecting with others, rather than worrying about the outcome.
- Reframing and Normalisation: Understand that having anxiety is actually quite common and not a sign of weakness. Use neutral language to talk about how you are feeling. When you notice self-criticism, remind yourself that many people experience similar issues. Accept that having anxiety does not mean there’s something wrong with you, and try to understand that what seems like a reasonable solution might not actually be working, and may be contributing to the problem.
Things to Keep in Mind:
- Consistency is Key: It’s essential to practice regularly to see real changes. Consistent practice of techniques like self-havening can reduce the intensity and frequency of anxiety and enhance your speed of recovery.
- It’s Individual: What works for someone else might not work for you. You need to be flexible and discover the approaches that fit you best.
- Professional Help: While self-treatment is useful, it can help to work with a professional. They can help you understand and resolve your problems, and teach you strategies for managing the challenges of life.
- Avoidance: Avoidance and detachment will hold you back. Try to be your own coach and not give yourself any slack.
To sum up, self-treating social anxiety is about recognising that anxiety is a normal part of life that doesn’t need to dictate your behaviour. You can use a combination of mindfulness, self-compassion, psychosensory techniques, solution-focused thinking, exposure, and social skills practice to help you manage it. Be patient, consistent and kind to yourself during this process.