What is Social Anxiety?
Social anxiety is characterised by intense discomfort, unease, and worry in social settings. It is more than just shyness or introversion, it’s a persistent fear of being judged or evaluated negatively by others. It is different from general anxiety, where anxiety is felt in multiple contexts, both social and non-social. Someone with social anxiety will often feel more at ease when they are alone, at home or in a low-pressure environment. Social anxiety can lead to avoidance of social situations and feelings of isolation.
What Does Someone With Social Anxiety Experience?
People experiencing social anxiety often have a deep-seated fear of being humiliated, embarrassed, or judged. This can manifest in various ways:
Mental and Emotional Experiences
- Intrusive negative thoughts: Anxious thoughts are common, focusing on potential negative outcomes and self-doubt, such as “Everyone will judge me”, “I will fail”, or “I’m not good enough”.
- Fear of being “found out”: People with social anxiety often worry that others will know they are anxious.
- Shame and self-consciousness: A feeling of being alone and ashamed is common, as well as being self-conscious about how they are perceived.
- Overwhelming worry: Individuals with social anxiety may worry excessively about a range of different issues and problems.
- Negative self-image: During social interactions, those with social anxiety tend to turn their focus inwards resulting in a negative self-image
Physical Symptoms
Social anxiety can trigger physical responses, including:
- Heart palpitations or racing heart.
- Sweating.
- Trembling or shaking.
- Dizziness.
- Blushing.
- Muscle tension.
Behavioural Reactions
People with social anxiety might engage in certain behaviours such as:
- Avoidance: Declining invitations or avoiding social situations altogether. This avoidance can lead to isolation.
- Safety Behaviours: Engaging in activities that provide a sense of security, such as using a mobile phone or avoiding eye contact.
- Difficulties with social interaction: This may include being quiet or withdrawn, or finding it hard to open up or express themselves.
- Rumination: Post-event rumination, where individuals excessively analyze and worry about what they did or said in a social situation.
Self-Help Strategies for Managing Social Anxiety
There are several strategies that people experiencing social anxiety can employ to help manage their symptoms:
1. Breathing Techniques
Conscious breathing can help calm the body and reduce anxiety. When experiencing anxiety:
- Slow down, count to ten and focus on thinking clearly instead of reacting emotionally.
- Give your attention to breathing in and out, paying attention to your breath and assisting with making improvements.
2. Understanding and Challenging Negative Thoughts
- Recognise negative thinking: Identify common negative thought patterns associated with social anxiety.
- Question assumptions: Challenge negative assumptions about future social interactions and focus on facts rather than fears.
- Reframe thoughts: Reframe negative thinking, focusing on positive aspects and alternative possibilities.
3. Setting Boundaries
- Learn to say no: Setting boundaries is an important part of managing anxiety. When you are able to say no to others, it can be empowering.
- Recognise your limits: Understanding your boundaries can assist in managing situations before anxiety is triggered.
4. Shifting Focus
- Turn attention outward: Instead of focusing on your own thoughts and feelings, pay attention to the environment around you during social events.
- Mindfulness practices: Engage in mindfulness techniques, such as meditation, which can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment.
- Observe thoughts and feelings without evaluating them, creating a space for them rather than trying to fix or change them.
- Use mindfulness as a cognitive defusion strategy, not a strategy for anxiety control.
- Approach anxiety with a beginner’s mind, open to other possibilities and not stuck on only one outcome
5. Exposure Techniques
- Identify avoided situations: Make a list of social situations that you tend to avoid.
- Create an exposure ladder: Rank these situations from least to most anxiety-provoking.
- Gradually expose yourself: Begin with the least anxiety-inducing situations and slowly work your way up, ensuring that you feel able to cope with each step before moving to the next.
- Practice until anxiety decreases: Repeated exposure to feared situations can reduce your fear of them.
- Engage fully in the situation rather than trying to make it more comfortable by staying on your phone or avoiding participation.
6. Values-Driven Behaviour
- Identify your values: Determine what is truly important to you in life.
- Act in line with your values: Engage in activities that are in line with your values, rather than letting anxiety control your behaviour.
- Use values as a guide for your behavior rather than your anxiety.
7. Self-Compassion and Acceptance
- Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, rather than self-criticism.
- Accept imperfection: Forgive yourself for not being perfect and learn to accept yourself in the present moment.
- Accept anxiety rather than fighting against it.
8. Relaxation Techniques
- Practice relaxation: Use techniques like deep breathing, imagery, or other methods to reduce stress and tension.
- Create a calm anchor: Develop a calming technique that you can use when feeling anxious.
When to Consider Working with an Anxiety Coach
While self-help strategies can be effective, there are times when seeking professional support is beneficial. Consider working with an anxiety coach when:
- Self-help techniques are not enough: If you find that your anxiety is still significantly impacting your life despite your efforts, seek guidance.
- Anxiety is interfering with daily life: When anxiety is affecting your relationships, work, or overall well-being, professional help is recommended.
- You feel stuck: If you are unable to make progress on your own, a coach can provide additional support and tools.
- You are experiencing other mental health concerns: If you’re also experiencing symptoms of depression or other anxiety disorders, professional guidance is helpful.
- When you feel your anxiety is difficult to work on by yourself: Seeking help can be an act of courage and compassion.
A coach can provide:
- Personalised strategies: Tailored to address your unique triggers and challenges.
- Accountability and support: Encouragement and guidance to help you stay on track.
- New perspectives: Help in identifying and correcting negative thinking patterns or beliefs.
- Experiential training: In methods such as acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), a type of therapy based on principles and techniques that you can use right away.
Summary
Social anxiety is an intense and often debilitating fear of being judged or evaluated negatively in social situations. It is more than shyness and can have a significant impact on a person’s life. Individuals with social anxiety experience various physical, mental, and emotional symptoms leading to avoidance of social interactions. However, there are effective strategies that you can use to manage social anxiety, including breathing exercises, challenging negative thoughts, exposure and acceptance techniques, and self-compassion. If self-help methods prove insufficient, working with an anxiety coach can offer personalised support, accountability, and guidance to improve their condition and achieve a more fulfilling life.